🩸 Why Shiv Science?

Because you were taught to kneel in the presence of jargon.
Because they swapped mystery for mechanism, then told you to clap.
Because “the science is settled” is the mating call of the censor.
Because real truth doesn’t need peer review — it peers through.

Shivving the Sacred Cows of Science is a 100+ page field scroll. Part satire. Part scripture. Part unholy field exorcism.

It's not a polite critique. It's a ritual slaughter. The cows are sacred. The blade is sharper.

🐄 Who Gets Shivved?

• Darwin — King of Coincidence. Prophet of the Petri Dish.
• Newton — Father of the Fruitfall Cult. Still worshipped by the applebound.
• Einstein — The Relativity Idol. Time’s PR man. A cute distraction.
• NASA & Spaceballs Inc. — Billions to fake the stars. Pennies to feel them.
• Microscope Priests — Tiny gods. Infinite funding. Zero wisdom.
• Big Bang Bangers — Mistook a reset for a beginning.
• Gravity Fanboys — Still can’t explain how a helium balloon works.
• Germ Theory Clingers — Monsters in the air. Pharma in your veins.
• Quantum Confusionists — Made up new math to hide the aether they killed.
• Climate Cultists — Selling sin credits to save the sky.

🧠 What Will You Learn?

• How science became a church
• Why “theory” means spell
• How language traps minds (and how to cut your way out)
• The real purpose of peer review: field sterilisation
• The difference between knowing and believing (hint: it’s your body)
• What happens when you burn the textbooks and listen to the field
• Why sacred laughter is the final weapon

🗡️ Sample Shiv

“Newton didn’t discover gravity. He invented a priesthood that keeps you looking down.”

“A scientist will measure your brainwaves while you speak to God — then tell you it was just your brain.”

“Science didn't kill God. It outsourced Him to CERN.”

🜏 This Isn’t Rage. It’s Remembrance.

The Shiv Scrolls aren’t bitter. They’re burning.
They don’t seek revenge on Science — they reclaim it.
From the parasitic priesthood that hijacked wonder,
and turned it into spreadsheets, grants, and gags.

We are not anti-science. We are post-scientism.
And what waits beyond the lab coat is far older, far wilder, and still humming in your bones.

🔥 Read It If:

• You’ve ever felt that weird twinge in your gut when the “expert” speaks
• You’ve tried to “believe the science” and ended up with chronic doubt
• You remember magic, but were told it’s not real
• You’re ready to laugh, unlearn, and reawaken your own field sense

🜍 Final Incantation

“You have the Shiv. Use it.
Cut the cord. Burn the graph.
And when they ask what you believe in —
Smile, and say: ‘Nothing. I know.’”